Enthusiasm for the NFL football games scheduled to air alongside this year’s American Thanksgiving dinner is predicted to start at close to rock bottom. This is in keeping with a general trend among American viewers that many see as a general reaction to the current state of the game. Sport analysts say we shouldn’t be surprised if initial arrivals to the dinner ask questions like “Are the Bills/Saints good now?” and “Do you know if there is anything else on?” But analysts also predict that as more and more relatives arrive to dinner, these same early arrivals will grow more interested in the football game currently being shown on the tv as well as any random objects in the room that they can reasonably stare at for forty-five minutes. Once between four and six relatives arrive to dinner, analysts predict most watchers will pass the pivotal .447 “lean-in” point on the enthusiasm index.
This trend is only expected to continue as more and more relatives arrive, depending on the maximum size of the gathering and relative terribleness of the arriving guests. Once around eight relatives have arrived, we can expect viewers to begin offering suggestions for how their preferred team could improve their quality of play. And as the enthusiasm index increases with the number of relatives, so too are these suggestions expected to increase in forcefulness and drunkenness.
The enthuisiam index for tonight is predicted to approach the maximum possible value of 1.00 as the number of relatives approaches between twenty and twenty four. As the average American Thanskgiving is between seven and fifteen individuals, few Americans commonly experience this level of dinner. But it is as enthuisiasm nears the 1.00 value that analysts begin to see initial arrivals spontaneously obtain real, significant football knowledgable, seemingly pulled out of the aether. It has long been theorized that this is reasoning behind why Bill Belichick chooses to spend most of his Thanksgivings with between fourty and fifty of his most racist relatives.
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