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Winter Weather Conspires To Keep Americans Away From Their Racist Relatives

by Daniel

Dual winter storms are expected to hit both coasts over the next couple days, disrupting the biggest travel week of the year. Now we all know travel delays are certainly nothing new for Thanksgiving, as millions of Americans take to the roads and spend their car rides dreaming about that first piece of pumpkin pie and cousin Steve shutting his fucking face. But these storms are something else altogether and delays are only going to get worse if you’re not already on the road.

The first of these intense winter storms has already reached the Midwest and has brought with it several feet of snowfall and high winds that have already grounded the flights of thousands who have some serious concerns about MS-13. Relief will eventually come for the midwest but this storm is only expected to grow larger as is moves eastward and hits the East coast late on Wednesday night, settling down into what meteorologists are calling a “protective barrier” around the Boston suburbs.

The second of these storms is expected to hit the West coast early on Wednesday morning. The storm’s reach is wide but Oregon is expected to be hardest hit, with record snowfall for the region not seen in decades. Residents of Portland, whose population overwhelmingly supported Get Out in it’s original theatrical run, have taken the news in stride. Many vocal Portland natives on social media have taken to organizing so-called “friends-givings” for those within their exclusively white friend group who are cut off from their family. But Portland is just one small blip along the affected coast line. The impact of this one storm is expected to be felt as far south as Los Angeles with rainfall and mountain snowfall that have left many SoCal residents saying “Is this a good enough excuse?” and “I’m a stupid, fucking failure of a person. I can’t write worth a goddamn. No one could love me.”

For those making the long trek out to visit relatives this week, the National Weather Service has urged caution and to expect delays along most travel routes. Even during what was, to most, a pleasant and unseasonably warm Thanksgiving last year, the National Weather Service still estimated that between 20-25 Americans died in automobile accidents on the way to hear a relative’s belated thoughts on the NFL protests.

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