Many of those watching Donald Trump’s weekly coronavirus briefing yesterday morning have noted that he seemed “a little off.” Some commentators online have noted that, at one point, the president seemed to stare off into space for several seconds and appeared visibly shaken afterward. Our insiders within the White House have reported that it was in this moment that the president came to the realization that children he has held at migrant detention facilities will most likely not get a “real Halloween” this year due to the Covid-19 pandemic.
Since he first stepped into office and started indefinitely detaining children at migrant detention camps, President Donald Trump has made the haunted house he puts on for the detained children a special priority. In 2017, Donald Trump spent over four hundred work hours personally overseeing the design and installation of the haunted house’s “spooktacular scares.” Requests for information on subsequent years have been denied due to security concerns however it would be safe to assume the president’s involvement on the project has only grown.
Our inside source has indicated that, immediately after the press conference where the president came to this realization, he called together a task force to address how best to approach the haunted house this year. The task force is comprised of several doctors working for the CDC, high-level members at I.C.E. and Steven Gunderson, the president’s primary supplier of fake cobwebs. We were able to catch up with Dr. Anthony Fauci and, while he was unable to confirm the taskforce’s existence but he did have this to say.
I did have a chance to speak to the president about a number of matters in regard to the migrant camps and I told him, straight up, any significant public gathering or celebration would put both the children and the rest of the camp in serious danger.
Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases
We will keep you updated as both the president and task force work together to determine which approach to the holiday would best safeguard the health of the migrant camp.
Update: The president has decided to proceed with the haunted house as normal.
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