This Gamer Explained The Plot Of Kingdom Hearts To Donald Trump

Last Friday, President Donald participated in a press conference which seemed very much structured to discredit Mueller’s upcoming report and refocus the news media towards his immigration policies. And whilst many excellent journalists from the Washington Post and New York Times did an excellent job of questioning the president’s assertions, the true winner of the press conference was Vice News’ new junior correspondent.

In a move that many are calling bold and innovative, Miss Natalie Waitson choose to seize her opportunity at the press conference to explain the plot of the Kingdom Hearts series to the president. She began her political statement by addressing the president directly.

“Mr President, I’m going to go in release date order, rather than chronological order, if you’ll allow. On the sleepy little world of the Destiny Islands, our central trio of friends – Sora, Riku and Kairi – dream of leaving their world and going on adventures.  A man in a brown robe tells Sora that their world has been “connected” and is attacked by black creatures known as Heartless.  Kairi mysteriously vanishes when she is thrown by a blast of wind into Sora and Riku invites Sora to come with him and that they shouldn’t fear the darkness because it is their way to other worlds.  Sora resists the call of the darkness and calls upon a fabled weapon to fight back – a Keyblade.  However, his efforts are for naught as the Islands are still consumed and Sora is tossed to a world for those who have lost theirs – Traverse Town.  There Sora encounters Leon, Yuffie, Cid and Aerith…

Natalie Waitson, Vice News

Whilst all press conference footage has been confiscated for security reasons, reporters on the scene indicate that President Trump stood silent, listened intently and really seemed to be taking it all in for a full 45 minutes. At which point, Sarah Sanders grabbed the microphone and attempted to silence her truth with “I think we get it. That’s enough.” Not missing a single beat, Natalie Watson continued describing Sora, Donald and Goofy’s battle to defeat the dark spirit known as Ansem, which lives inside Riku’s heart, at the end of Kingdom Hearts 1.

This battle of wills between Sarah Sanders and Natalie Waitson persisted for the next fifteen minutes. According to press at the scene, Sarah Sanders was clearly rather agitated but was trying to keep her cool. At first, Sarah Sanders tried to reason with her. Even offered a real sit down interview with the president as incentive for stopping. Then she started threatening her press badge. Then she started mocking Miss Waitson. And eventually she was just saying nonsense words to try to distract her. All the while, Miss Waitson persisted and President Trump listened intently, quite enjoying the lore of the series, until Sarah Sanders finally broke down. She reportedly screamed “SAY HEARTLESS ONE MORE FUCKING TIME!” into the microphone. After which, her assistants quickly cleared out the remaining press and called in additional security.

The White House has refused to comment on the incident or reveal how the secret service was able to subdue Miss Waitson. But our inside sources have revealed that she was able to get to the part where King Mickey sends a letter in a bottle to Destiny Islands.

We caught up with Miss Waitson after her bail hearing and she had this to say about the possibility of jail time for this incident.

Riku learns on his journey that this entire thing was a set up by Xehanort.  That Xehanort’s body-less darkness at the Destiny Islands in the brown robe was used the same way Sora and Riku were to propel his consciousness back in time and infiltrate their mission before it began.  Riku hasn’t been able to see Sora not because they are in parallel dimensions, but because he is in Sora’s dreams of the Sleeping Worlds like a personal Dream Eater.  In fact, Riku’s coat bears the mark of the Dream Eaters on it.  Riku took up the job of protecting Sora from Xehanort subconsciously on their first…

Natalie Waitson, Vice News

Our reporter on the scene was unable to procure any additional statement because he “didn’t want to listen to that shit anymore.”