Home Science-ology Scientists Reclassify Palm Trees As Weeds

Scientists Reclassify Palm Trees As Weeds

by Daniel

Scientists and working members of the American Horticultural Society met in New Orleans this week for their group’s annual conference. Besides the normal social get-togethers and panels addressing recent developments in the industry, this conference was also designed to finally decide the age old horticultural debate. Is a palm tree actually a tree or could it be considered a large weed?

The primary originator of Weed-theory, Steven Gunderson, laid out his reasoning on a panel on Tuesday, citing the palm tree’s root structure and their unique role in ecosystems. After which, an opponent of Weed-theory, Dr. Rebecca Kevin was given time to argue against the proposed reclassification. Her arguments mostly focused on the presence of bark and an evolutionary chart that situated the modern palm tree as a direct descendant of “more traditional trees.”

After the Tuesday discussions finished, voting members of the American Horticultural Society were given access to an online portal where they could vote for or against the proposed reclassification of the entirety of the Arecaceae botanical family(commonly referred to as palm trees) as “Weeds.” After a through tally this morning, votes for the reclassification were found to outnumber the nah votes by nearly a hundred and fifty votes. How exactly the vocal opposition to this change respond to this news is uncertain but, at least for the time being, the matter is settled. The palm tree is a weed.

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