Like many Americans, I followed the 2016 presidential campaign very closely and, like a majority of Americans, I found Donald Trump to be quite lacking as a candidate. The policies…
Non Birthday Holidays
Trump Seriously Concerned Detained Migrant Children Won’t Get A Halloween This Year
Many of those watching Donald Trump’s weekly coronavirus briefing yesterday morning have noted that he seemed “a little off.” Some commentators online have noted that, at one point, the president…
Come Celebrate New Year's Eve With Chaturbate
For the pornographic “camming” website known as www.chaturbate.com, New Year’s Eve has naturally proved to be one of their highest traffic days. Steve Gunderson, the head of public relations for…
Sports Analysts Predict Interest in Football Game to Gradually Increase as Relatives Arrive
Enthusiasm for the NFL football games scheduled to air alongside this year’s American Thanksgiving dinner is predicted to start at close to rock bottom. This is in keeping with a…
Winter Weather Conspires To Keep Americans Away From Their Racist Relatives
Dual winter storms are expected to hit both coasts over the next couple days, disrupting the biggest travel week of the year. Now we all know travel delays are certainly…
We here have noticed a lot of confusion amongst our relatives on social media around this Thursday, the twenty-whatever-st of November. We would like it to be clear to everyone…
Halloween Just An Excuse For Men to Dress Up As Depressed _________
Have you ever noticed that every man’s Halloween costume can always be described as Depressed ____________? Where the blank field can stand in for pretty much anything. Depressed pirate. Depressed…
Trump Disheartened His Kidnapped Refugee Children Are Aging Out Of Halloween
President Donald Trump visited the West Texas tent city where the majority of the underage refugees currently in ICE custody are kept. While he has taken several meetings in nearby…
Local Man Points Out Female Halloween Costumes Are Overly Sexual
Local heterosexual man, Steve Gunderson recently pointed out to a friend that the majority of Halloween costumes worn by women are overly revealing and sexual in nature. His friend, who…
Newly Thirty-Year-Old Stares Off Into The Middle Distance, Sipping Free Birthday Frappucino
Fresh off spending the morning opening birthday presents from his parents, Steve Gunderson is currently hanging out in his local Starbucks and thinking about the passage of time. Whilst he…