Reports are coming in that Steven Gunderson, a man who owns a statue of himself, feels that he really can’t do anything else to help the poor. This thought first…
Dystopia
Things Are Really Hectic At Work Right Now, That Paper Bag Will Just Need To Stay On The Ground
Citing the currently increased degree to which his employment saps him of his available energy, local man Steven Gunderson has said he will be unavailable to remove the paper grocery…
If Hilary Was President When Trump Assassinated Soleimani, We Would Be At War
This has been a harrowing twenty four hours for the entire country. The nation is still divided on how exactly to deal with Iran and if the assassination of General…
U.S. Army Spackling Iraq, Desperately Trying To Get Deposit Back
We have still not heard from President Trump since the Iraqi parliament voted to expel U.S. troops on Sunday. But U.S. Army officials have already issued orders that troops on…
First Mass Shooting of 2020 Probably Reported
According to statisticians with the Department of Mathematics at Cornell University, it is highly likely that the first mass shooting of 2020 has just now been reported. While it is…
Biden Campaigns Hard on Not Taking Away Annual Open Enrollment Meetings
It’s that time of the year again and millions of Americans are currently attending their annual open enrollment meetings for 2020. For those unfamiliar with this practice, employers in the…
Associate of Pete Buttigieg Arrested Trying To Destroy HPANA Forum Archive
Steve Gunderson, a long time associate of presidential candidate Mayor Pete Buttigieg, was arrested last night as he was attempting to break into a server farm in northern California at…
Trump Disheartened His Kidnapped Refugee Children Are Aging Out Of Halloween
President Donald Trump visited the West Texas tent city where the majority of the underage refugees currently in ICE custody are kept. While he has taken several meetings in nearby…
Activision Blizzard Posts Job Listings For Good-Will Accountants
Earlier today, Activision Blizzard posted several listing on their website for jobs in the growing field of “good-will accounting.” Activision is seeking applicants at both the experienced and entry-level, suggesting…
Experts Say Donald Trump Broke Both His Legs, Trump Disagrees
President Trump suffered what appeared to be a serious fall on Thursday as he was attempting to climb the stairs leading up to Air Force One. The event was caught…