In less than twenty four hours, the redacted version of the Mueller Report will be presented to Congress and the White House is currently preparing for how to deal with…
Poli-Dystopia
Robert Mueller Forces The Onion Staff To Work Over Weekend
Earlier today, Robert Mueller turned in his much anticipated report on Russian interference in the 2016 election to the Attorney General William Barr. We will likely not know the full…
Man’s Death Heralded As Fantastic Metaphor
As an obvious metaphor for the current political and economic divide, this story has electrified social media. Prominent twitter user and Vice columnist Austin Walker received over ten thousand twitter …
Pres Trump, the “Nickelback of Presidents,” convinces himself he likes Nickelback.
Our political experts generally agree that this was intended as an insult. And our comedy experts also agree that, as an insult, it is of somewhat subpar quality.
This Gamer Explained The Plot Of Kingdom Hearts To Donald Trump
Last Friday, President Donald participated in a press conference which seemed very much structured to discredit Mueller’s upcoming report and refocus the news media towards his immigration policies. And whilst…
I’m Not A Nazi, I’m Just Okay With Standing Next To Nazis
“Okay, I don’t agree on the Nazi thing but we both agree on the statue thing so I’m going to stay.”
Amnesiac Forgets Everything, Except That Trump Is A Shitbag
Steve Gunderson, a local man from Wisconsin, has recently been diagnosed with an unusual case of amnesia. A long time staple of soap operas and science fiction, amnesia is a…
This Pornstar Learned of “Trump’s Impeachment” Mid-Scene
Producers over at Naughty America have produced an innovative new video in which Skin Diamond, a pornographic actress, is informed of Trump’s nonexistent impeachment in the middle of a scene.…
For the first time in his presidency, President Trump has asked all the major networks for airtime during primetime. He plans to use his time, at 9PM EST tonight, to…
We’ve Run Out Of Trump/Christmas Jokes
An extensive survey conducted by Dr. Andrew Kindler has revealed that we have completely run dry our Trump/Christmas joke supplies. Dr. Kindler has appeared on several episodes of Doug Loves…