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We’ve Run Out Of Trump/Christmas Jokes

by Daniel

An extensive survey conducted by Dr. Andrew Kindler has revealed that we have completely run dry our Trump/Christmas joke supplies. Dr. Kindler has appeared on several episodes of Doug Loves Movies, pleading with Jeff Tate and other comedians for conservation. But it would appear that what little conservation occurred was far too late. “You’re A Mean Once Mr. Trump” was the highlight of the 2016 season and was the first joke to be completely used up. Further jokes were eventually mined from coal lumps, naughty lists, The Christmas Carol and various other well known Christmas references.

However, even these joke veins turned out to be largely unsustainable at this joke scale and were depleted in late 2017. For all of the 2018 Christmas joke season, comedians and satirical website have been forced to rely upon more obscure Christmas references and smart reuses of existing joke veins. This trend peaked last week when The Daily Show’s Christmas segment was forced to rely upon knowledge of Celtic solstice traditions and the “The Love is Gone,” a song that was featured in a key moment of “The Muppet Christmas Carol” theatrical release but was cut from the home video version.

The final Trump/Christmas joke was logged this morning when Steve Gunderson, a chronically depressed Los Angeles comedian, tweeted “Three ghosts visited Trump last night and they grabbed him by the pussy.” The long terms effects of our over-joking will likely be felt for decades to come but at least one short-term effect was made immediately apparently when The Onion updated it’s website with a headline that simply read “It’s Christmas, Trump should probably commit suicide.”

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