Reports are coming in from various siblings that your mom has a “funny story” to tell you about seeing a trans person at a mall. Upon further analysis of the …
Dystopia
Elder Makes Pilgrimage To Piss On Trump’s Grave
Elder Roderick Stevens of the Modesta clan celebrated his sixtieth birthday yesterday. As is our law, Stevens is making preparations to leave civilization before the next full moon so as …
Nation’s Gymnasiums, Churches and Senior Centers Ruined by Democracy
In what is becoming a sadly regular event, multi function rooms across the country have become utterly unusable. In at least one case, even a café was rendered utterly nonfunctional …
Exit polls show that the majority of Americans plan to spend the rest of election day silently sitting on their front porch, sharpening knives. Their vacant eyes staring at their …
Reports are coming in that it is “all hands on deck” at the West Los Angeles Bevmo location on Santa Monica. Crew members and extra seasonal contractors are working frantically …
Increasingly Difficult to Get Food Delivered to Saudi Consulate
Our reporters have discovered that tensions have reached a head between the Saudi Consulate and the available food delivery services today. After recent events, few Eat24ers, Grubhubers, or Smizmers have …
Democrats Didn’t Mail Bombs to Themselves
After extensive analysis of recent developments, we have determined that this statement is mostly probably true, despite the strong beliefs of some people out there.
Trump Treats Kidnapped Refugee Children to Surprisingly Kickass Haunted House
President Trump took Airforce One out on Thursday to visit the West Texas tent city where he keeps hundreds of his kidnapped refugee children. He plans to personally oversee the …
For too long, the majority has stood by while a party catering to the fringes has disenfranchised us. They have acted deliberately against the will of the people. It’s time …
Americans Give Up On American Dream, Really Just Want Apartment Above Supermarket
White picket fences, a big yard and a three car garage filled with boxes and four cars in the driveway. For a long time that was what every god fearing …