At approximately 2:47 PM today, your phone vibrated and issued it’s literally trademark tone to indicate a default notification. It was not a Steam app notification tone indicating a video game sale nor was it a text messenger tone indicating a message from a friend and nor was it was a Facebook messenger tone indicating a message from a Nazi. No, in all certainty, this notification is there to indicate to you that your parents have been horribly murdered.
Yes, you know it is true. You just don’t want it to be. Your mom said she was scared of downtown because that’s where “all the drive-bys” happen. And you made some sarcastic remarks about “all the drive-bys” that happen in downtown Solvang, California. And they went downtown to eat at Café 67. And there was a drive-by and two unlucky shots clipped them both in the head. And now your parent’s brains, everything they were, are splattered all over a basket of free bread.
Update: False alarm. Pizza Hut has a 50% off coupon. No one out pizzas the hut.
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