In a one of the kind mass dream event, more than 70 million Americans report experiencing a dream last night at approximately 2:45 AM EST, in which President Trump fell down a long flight of stairs. Details vary but the most common location is the famous UCLA Janns Steps but “steeper, twisty and longer.” Commonly, President Trump was finishing up a speech at the top of the steps on his immigration policy and what he views as unfair treatment by the media when a great quantity of something fell out of the president’s pockets. Some saw quarters fall out of his pockets, some saw important documents and some even reported seeing spiders fall out of his pockets. Scurrying around to either collect the objects or flee from the spiders, President Trump lost his balance and tumbled down the stairs.
Most people reported seeing his security detail briefly attempt to chase after him before shrugging and returning to their station. Others saw his detail remain stationary, “sipping their coffee, like everything was perfectly normal.” The shock at seeing the President tumble is said to have woken a number of people before he reached the bottom. Others insist that their stairs were endless and Trump just kept tumbling for hours until their alarm woke them up. Most remember seeing him hit the “cold cement” at the end with a “satisfying thud.” However, a select few saw something far more gruesome and terrible last night. They saw President Trump hit the ground and president is said to have “cracked like an egg” and “everything he was spilled out onto the grass.”
When asked whether he experienced the dream, President Trump responded by insisting that he “slept phenomenally.” Which this reporter has determined is not an answer.
Update: UCLA has extended an invitation for President Trump to come speak, as an apology for the dream.
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