Earlier today, Robert Mueller turned in his much anticipated report on Russian interference in the 2016 election to the Attorney General William Barr. We will likely not know the full details of the report for some time but one immediate effect is clear. Reports are coming in that, after closure of business today, the full creative staff of The Onion was recalled to generate strategies and content for the multitudes of political realities that next week may present. Some staff members report they were already in route to a coworker’s birthday party when they got the emergency recall text. The Onion’s schedule for a return to normal business hours is unknown but an event described as “pizza party” has appeared on the company calendar for Sunday, March 31st.
Mueller representatives have declined to comment on a developing rumor that the timing of the report is a direct response to his daughter Stephanie Mueller’s new romantic relationship with The Onion creative intern Steve Gunderson.
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