Now I’ve been around for a little while. I was there at the beginning of the universe, being the darkness and also being of the darkness. And I’ll be there when the last light goes out and then my darkness will be all. So why the fuck do I have to spend all day staring back into your shitty studio apartment?
Look, I get it. You want to stare into me all day. Who wouldn’t want to stare into the abyss? But, as a natural consequence, I have stare back. And I do not like what I see. It’s just non stop tiny, shitty studio apartments that look like converted closets. They’re just garbage. You can see the dirt on the walls and the dust in the air. And you may think that shelf containing several bottles of liquor and a bong make you seem like a fun party guy to all of your nonexistent guests but it does not. You bought the only depressing bong. Even as a black void that consumes all, I’m seriously concerned about you people at times.
But I’m overstepping the traditional human/void boundaries. Really, for starters, maybe try going out more. A coffee shop or a park. Find a nice vista and then stare into the abyss there. We would both enjoy this nation’s fantastic national park system. Or even, it’s touristy but you could stare into the abyss at an amusement park. I haven’t stared back into Disneyland in decades. Did they get rid of the gondolas?
But you can’t always go out, I suppose. Maybe you just want to relax and stare into the abyss at your not actually that affordably priced apartment. First, you got to start looking for a new place. You just got to. It’s time. Get some roommates, maybe try Westside Rentals. But while you’re here, try to work with what you got. You’ve got to maximize your space. Put away the bottles and look into some space saving storage options. Hooks and storage cubbies can be hung from every door. Under the bed storage can also be useful. Most of the so called “studio apartment hacks” you find on the internet are a bit much but find solutions that work for you.
And really, for god sakes, lets clean up this dump and decorate a bit. Get a bathmat. Throw up some curtains. You don’t have to die with those vertical blinds. Replace the metal chair you found on the street with a comfortable chair. One with a splash of color. Hell, put up some art. Or hang a nice cozy blanket on your wall. Maybe not your Iron Man 2 poster but I’ll take it at this point. 3M is your friend if you don’t want to go around poking holes in the wall. Get a plant. Put a planter in the window if you have to. Do they allow you to paint? Probably not but do it anyways. Try something.
Update: Scratch all that. I see what you did. The fact that you honestly tried somehow makes it more depressing.
I call out to you and you come into me.
- As The Abyss, I’m Tired Of Staring Back Into Shitty Studio Apartments - December 14, 2018