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A recent phone survey showed that, for the third year in a row, a majority of Americans plan to spend their Wednesday in silent meditation, prepping for the eventuality that Aunt Ethel brings up politics tomorrow. At which point, they feel it would be necessary for their sanity to fucking end Aunt Ethel.
Our survey contractors followed up by questioning as to whether or not “shredding her jugular like pulled pork” was intended as a literal statement. The surveyees honestly did not know.
I write this shit.
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